Couples

The honeymoon is over and the power struggle has begun.  
When your relationship is making you feel helpless, angry or miserable,
you know something has to change.

Falling in love is easy, but staying in love can be a challenge, and seeking help with your relationship requires great courage and humility. If your relationship has reached an impasse or life's pressures are affecting how you communicate, by facing one another honestly and learning new ways to relate, you can transform your conflict and rediscover your love.

In couples counselling, you will be encouraged to cross the bridge between you and your partner, listen to each other's feelings and recreate a compassionate and loving relationship where you can be true to yourself while respecting the needs of the other.

We are usually drawn to a partner who reminds us of one or both of our parents. In this person we recognise the qualities that frustrated us in our childhood, so we respond as we did when we were young. Our unconscious attraction triggers our childhood wounds in the hope that they will be repaired.

Face.jpgCouples often experience conflict during times of crisis or change - times when there is most opportunity for growth and healing:- moving in together, the birth of a child, financial crisis, illness or depression, children leaving home, or retirement. Both partners are under stress, individual needs are not met, and this leads to anger and resentment. As arguments become more frequent or painful, the original loving expectations of your partner are shattered.

Loss of interest in sex might be the first sign that something is wrong. The issue may be physical, or possibly an expression of anger or lack of connection. Couples counselling can help you to explore what may be behind the problem and manage the difficulty with mutual respect.

When trust has been broken by an affair or secret, it takes courage from both partners to make sense of the situation and work towards understanding and reconciliation. An affair can be a symptom of unmet needs, and most couples survive an affair by working through the causes, then developing and rebuilding the relationship.

If one partner is depressed, the relationship is under pressure. With support from an impartial counsellor, the depression can be worked through and both partners can find renewed optimism. If your partner is abusive, I would recommend individual therapy to understand the behaviour and any patterns of powerlessness or vulnerability that are being triggered.

When divorce or separation seem inevitable, in counselling we would look at your relationship closely, listen to each of your wishes and explore the options. You may decide to create a new way of being together, or find a respectful way of moving apart.

Whatever your reasons for coming to counselling, by using this opportunity to give space to each other, you will find ways to manage your relationship creatively, so that you can approach future problems which will almost certainly arise in a more constructive way.

“Only from the heart can you touch the sky.”

Rumi